


Who gave Klaus a twitter?

by Spideys_bagel



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Crack, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, I don't know how to tag I'm sorry lmao, Klaus Hargreeves is a little shit, Original Character(s), Post-Apocalypse, Twitter, Twitter AU, post S1
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2019-12-18 11:51:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18249278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spideys_bagel/pseuds/Spideys_bagel
Summary: Klaus 👻 @panwithaplanFUCK MY SISTER ASKED ME MY @ KSKABSI GOTTA BLAST----Allison H. ✓ @iheardarumer_ok so I asked my brother his Twitter @ and he just screamed 'WHATS TWITTER?' before running out of the room. Wtf?n1 ally stan @hargryeetves> oh that mf is hiding some shitgo Diego go @knifethrown> I tried to ask him again and he fucking threw a lamp at meAllison H. ✓ @iheardarumor_>> jfc, what could be so bad-Or, the stereotypical twitter au





	1. @ Klaus wya?

**Klaus 👻 @panwithaplan**

help my siblings are talking about twitter what if they ask for my @

**yeetus @deletus**

> what's wrong with that?

**Klaus 👻 @panwithaplan**

>> cause with everything I've been thru I've had my phone + twitter, like even when I was homeless I figured out a way to tweet and I'd rather have them not uncover that

**yeetus @deletus**

>>> what about that one time you just dissapeared for like 3 days lmao

**Klaus 👻 @panwithaplan**

>>>> we don't talk about that

\---

**Klaus 👻 @panwithaplan**

its so fucking funny how inept my lil brother is with tech, it's like he's an old man or something lmao

\---

**Klaus 👻 @panwithaplan**

FUCK MY SISTER ASKED ME MY @ KSKABSI GOTTA BLAST-

\---

**Allison H. ✓ @iheardarumer_**

ok so I asked my brother his Twitter @ and he just screamed 'WHATS TWITTER?' before running out of the room. Wtf?

**n1 ally stan @hargryeetves**

> oh that mf is hiding some shit

**go Diego go @knifethrown**

> I tried to ask him again and he fucking threw a lamp at me

**Allison H. ✓ @iheardarumor_**

>> jfc, what could be so bad

**gottem @memesally**

>>> wait is that actually Diego Hargreeves????

**go Diego go @knifethrown**

>>>> yeah lmao

\---

**go Diego go ✓ @knifethrown**

thanks for the verification twitter

**Allison H. ✓ @iheardarumor_**

> don't let it go to that already over large heard of yours

**go Diego go ✓ @knifethrown**

>>> at least I don't have a tiny ass head like Luther

**Luther Hargreeves 🌙 ✓ @manonthemoon_**

>>>> Uncalled for.

**i love the Hargreeves @allisons_voice**

>>>>> I am LOVING this Hargreeves sibling content I haven't gotten since my childhood!!!

**n1 ally stan @hargryeetves**

>>>>>> right?? I wonder what brought them back together...

\---

**Allison H. ✓ @iheardarumor_**

anyone good at like finding twitter @'s? I'm desperate

**yeetus @deletus**

> I'm assuming this is about your brother?

**Allison H. ✓ @iheardarumor_**

>> yeah

**yeetus @deletus**

>>> I think I know his @

**go Diego go ✓ @knifethrown**

>>>> and???

**yeetus @deletus**

>>>>> lmao no he doesn't want u to know

\---

**Klaus 👻 @panwithaplan**

@deletus please have mercy

**yeetus @deletus**

> you are safe

**Klaus 👻 @panwithaplan**

>> oh thank fuck

**yeetus @deletus**

>>> for now,,,,

**Klaus 👻 @panwithaplan**

>>>> s h i t

\---

**go Diego go ✓ @knifethrown**

we got five a twitter, we think maybe he can scare Klaus out of hiding @13goingon58

**kindly fuck off @13goingon58**

> this isn't as hard to figure out as expected

**kindly fuck off @13goingon58**

>> also I resent the username Diego you bitch

**how bout' no @fandomfanatic**

>>> what does it mean?

**kindly fuck off @13goingon58**

>>>> long story

**knives 🔪 @diegoshargreevs**

>>>>> I thought you like,,, went missing or smth

**hello @bye**

>>>>>> yeah there was a whole BuzzFeed unsolved episode about you

**kindly fuck off @13goingon58**

>>>>>>> oh would you look at the time.....

\---

**kindly fuck off @13goingon58**

@ Klaus give up your username or you will have to give up your kneecaps.

**yeetus @deletus**

> I could give it up for the right price

**kindly fuck off @13goingon58**

>> I'm listening.....

\---

**Klaus 👻 @panwithaplan**

@deletus don't do it hoe

**yeetus @deletus**

> 👀

**Klaus 👻 @panwithaplan**

>> yEETUS I STG DONT DO IT

**yeetus @deletus**

>>> I feel like I know you well enough to tell you that my name is Adam lol

**Klaus 👻 @panwithaplan**

>>>> *Gasp* aDaM

**yeetus @deletus**

>>>>> at this point you're asking for it

**Klaus 👻 @panwithaplan**

>>>>>> wait nO-

**n1 ally stan @hargryeetves**

>>>>>>> Wait a second-

\---

**n1 ally stan @hargryeetves**

I KNOW KLAUS' @ @iheardarumor_ @13goingon58 @knifesthrown @manonthemoon_ ITS @panwithaplan !!!!!

**Klaus 👻 @panwithaplan**

> FUCK

**go Diego go ✓ @knifesthrown**

>> GOTCHA BITCH

\---

**Allison H. ✓ @iheardarumor_**

@panwithaplan Klaus we got you there's nowhere to hide.

**Klaus 👻 @panwithaplan**

> fuck u, Ben says fuck u 2

**Allison H. ✓ @iheardarumor_**

>> I highly doubt Ben would saying thing demeaning of his siblings because he's a NICE PERSON

**goose stan @thqce**

>>> *small voice* isn't Ben dead?

**n1 ally stan @hargryeetves**

>>>> but klaus's power was to speak to the dead so this is probably normal for them

\---

**Klaus 👻 ✓ @panwithaplan**

the only good thing to come out of this exposure is that I've been verified before five

**kindly fuck off @13goingon58**

> fuck u 2 bitch


	2. Delete this.

**Klaus 👻 ✓ @panwithaplan**

five is a stinky old man :-(

**Kindly fuck off @13goingon58**

> @ me next time thot

**yeetus @deletus**

>> what he do?

**Klaus 👻 ✓ @panwithaplan**

>>> he stole my latte right out of my hand 

**Kindly fuck off @13goingon58**

>>>> and it was nastee. Too sweet.

**Klaus 👻 ✓ @panwithaplan**

>>>>> THEN WHY DID YOU TAKE IT?

\---

**n1 Klaus stan @ghostboyee**

i just wanna say I love Klaus Hargreeves uwuwu I don't even have to know what he looks like an adult to know he's the loml

**Klaus 👻 ✓ @panwithaplan**

> I'm honored but why tho I'm a big bitch

**n1 ally stan @hargryeetves**

>> KSKSJDJD ERICA HOLY SHIT-

**KLAUS RESPONDED!! @ghostboyee**

>>> I KNOW OMG SHSNHSMS

\---

**yuh @yeet__**

@deletus ur internet buds with Klaus right?

**yeetus @deletus**

> yes, why?

**yuh @yeet__**

>> got any tea on him?

**yeetus @deletus**

>>> oh boy do I

**Klaus 👻 ✓ @panwithaplan**

>>>> Adam I stg if u say a thing-

**yeetus @deletus**

>>>>> Klaus loves to send heart memes to me at 3 am. Usually it's soft and adorable but one time in the most of the wave of memes there was a picture of him, five, and diego laying sprawled across eachother on the couch.

**yeetus @deletus**

>>>>>> he's a huge softie and he pretends to hate the picture but it's actually his favorites, he keeps it in his wholesome folder.

**Kindly fuck off @13goingon58**

>>>>>>> I'm sorry W H A T picture

**Allison H. ✓ @iheardarumor_**

>>>>>>>> oh yeah I took that picture :)))

\---

**Kindly fuck off @13goingon58**

@panwithaplan delete the picture or I will delete your elbows :)

**Klaus 👻 ✓ @panwithaplan**

> Im sorry but I can't do that,,

**KLAUS RESPONDED!! @ghostboyee**

>> no release the photo u coward

**Kindly fuck off @13goingon58**

>>> if he does that I will delete more than his elbows.

**KLAUS & 5 RESPONDED!! @ghostboyee**

>>>> HHHHH

\---

**Kindly fuck off @13goingon58**

i have more followers than Diego??? And yet??? I'm still not verified????

**go Diego go ✓ @knifethrown**

> hah, bitch.

**Luther Hargreeves 🌙 ✓ @manonthemoon_**

>> it's probably because he's still legally pronounced deceased.

**Kindly fuck off @13goingon58**

>>> I'm WHAT

**goose stan @thqce**

>>>> maybe if you release a photo of yourself?? And have a professional confirm that it's you from a different picture of your child self before you ran away?

**Kindy fuck off @13goingon58**

>>>>> hahahaha see funny story,,,,,

\---

**Kindly fuck off @13goingon58**

ok so Diego keeps making fun of me cause apparently I'm dead, so I'm gonna tell the story of what happened to me here and maybe it'll clear some things up. 1/?

**Kindly fuck off @13goingon58**

> i have the ability to jump through space and time. The time aspect of it was kept a secret cause during my time at the academy I couldn't control it very well. One day I decided that it would be a good idea to try and use the time travel part of my power blindly. So I jumped forward in time by like a few years at a time, but eventually accidentally got 2/?

**Kindly fuck off @13goingon58**

>> Stuck. So I was stuck in the future, and I tried to travel back because obviously I wanted to go back to my family, but like I said I had no clue how to control the power so I couldn't go back. I was stuck there for 45 years. I grew up and shit y'know. But eventually I did figure out out to travel back and I did. But I fucked up 3/?

**Kindly fuck off @13goingon58**

>>> the equations so I got deaged in the process. So basically I'm 58 but my body is 13. I think that explain the gist of everything. 4/4

**rando @some_random_asshole**

>>>> you really expect us to believe that?

**yeetus @deletus**

>>>>> as a person who's actually seen a picture of Five, I can confirm.

**rando @some_random_asshole**

>>>>>> I'll believe it when I see it.

\---

**Klaus 👻 ✓ @panwithaplan**

since my little bros story is out in the open I felt I could share this.

[IMAGE]

[Image transcript: the photo was taken in the living room on the academy. Diego is laying on the couch length wise, Klaus squashed next to him, clinging on so he wouldn't fall off the couch. Five is laying on both of them like a cat. All three are asleep.]

**5 & KLAUS RESPONDED!! @ghostboyee**

> aweeee uwuwuwuwwu

**go Diego go ✓ @knifethrown**

> delete this.

**Kindly fuck off @13goingon58**

> I did NOT give u my consent to post this >:(

**rando @some_random_asshole**

> wow he really is a baby

**Kindly fuck off @13goingon58**

>> shut up!!!!! >:(((( 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to let you know if you couldn't tell:  
> Yeetus/@deletus/Adam is an internet friend of Klaus', he's not a cameo or anything I just wanted Klaus to have a buddy who want part of the umbrella Academy.


	3. Bitch I'm fucking sad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter I'm sorry!!! School is a big bitch and can suck my peepee.
> 
> Also I recommend listening to "listen before i go" by Billie Eilish of you haven't already, before reading this chapter. It's important.

**go Diego go ✓ @knifethrown**

klaus has been singing Billie Eilish at the tOP OF HIS LUNGS FOR THE PAST TWO WEEKS N O N S T O P

**n1 ally stan @hargryeetves**

> I mean. Sometimes to do be like that

**kindly fuck off ✓ @13goingon58**

> It was okay at first cause he's not a bad singer and judging by what I've heard the songs aren't bad but it just gets to that point-

**Klaus 👻 ✓ @panwithaplan**

>> I'm sorry I can't help that her new album fucking sLAPS

\---

**yeetus @deletus**

@panwithaplan Klaus why do u like Billie Eilish so much hoe

**Klaus 👻 ✓ @panwithaplan**

> she's my queen and she sings like an angel. Also the fact that I can relate to a bunch of her songs. Like a bUNCH.

**KLAUS & 5 RESPONDED @ghostboyee**

>> oh god please tell me listen before i go isnt one of those songs

**Klaus 👻 ✓ @panwithaplan**

>>> hahahahahahaha,,,,,, yeah,,,,,,,

\---

**kindly fuck off ✓ @13goingon58**

whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck @panwithaplan kLAUS WHERE THE F U C K ARE YOU

**go Diego go ✓ @knifethrown**

> oh god what did he do?

**kindly fuck off ✓ @13goingon58**

>> nothing,,, but a fan asked him if he related to one of Billie's songs called 'listen before I go' and he said yEs so I listened to it and whAT THE FUCK KLAUS

**go Diego go ✓ @knifethrown**

>>> wait Lemme listen one sec

\---

**go Diego go ✓ @knifethrown**

bitch I'm fucking SAD. Klaus where are you I'm giving you a hug THIS INSTANT.

**kindly fuck off ✓ @13goingon58**

> lemme know if you find him.

**Klaus 👻 ✓ @panwithaplan**

>> I'm fine!!!!!!! Don't worry about me!!!! It was a long time ago!!!!!!!!

**go Diego go ✓ @knifethrown**

>>> you think that will stop us???????

\---

**Allison H. ✓ @iheardarumor_**

i just walked home to see five, Klaus, and Diego wrapped in a group hug????

**n1 ally stan @hargyeetves**

> check recents

\---

**Luther Hargreeves 🌙 ✓ @manonthemoon_**

update: Allison, and our other sister Vanya joined the hug

**yeetus @deletus**

> and why haven't you?

**Luther Hargreeves 🌙 ✓ @manonthemoon_**

>> i uh, don't think I'd be welcome.

\---

**Klaus 👻 ✓ @panwithaplan**

thanks for all the supportive messages guys. It means alot.

**go Diego go ✓ @knifethrown**

> if you ever need another hug just holler

**kindly fuck off ✓ @13goingon58**

> we love you Klaus. Don't fucking forget it you dumbass

**Allison H. ✓ @iheardarumor_**

> you aren't alone.

**Luther Hargreeves 🌙 ✓ @manonthemoon_**

>> ^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst in my crack fic? More likely than you think.
> 
> For real though, if anyone is struggling out there, just know you aren't alone, and there are always people you can talk to.

**Author's Note:**

> Sah
> 
> Hope y'all enjoy :)


End file.
